Unequally Yoked

I've had a lot of crushes in my time. Not all of them have been "major," as it were, but they've all had certain things in common: the ol' butterflies in the stomach, daydreams, increased social awkwardness...and pain.

My first and only boyfriend came into my life when I was 11. I know, I know. I was just a kid. Let me start by saying that I was a very mature 11-year-old who had been through quite a bit in her time. By the time I was 11, I was having panic attacks about reaching age 40 and not having gotten anywhere in life. When I was 13, I was manning a garage sale and had a woman ask if "my husband" and I were having the sale because we were moving or if we just wanted to get rid of a few things. I blinked at her and, not wanting to embarrass her, replied, "Yes, we're moving." Right. I would go on a month later to begin eighth grade. But I digress. I met Wyatt at Pokemon League (laugh all you want - it was super fun), which met every Saturday and Sunday at Toys 'R Us. After being friends with him for a year, I was crushing on him so badly it was ridiculous. You know, crying at night because he didn't love me, etc., etc.

Well, he eventually came to like me, too, and we started "dating." We kissed a lot, which, of course, I thought was awesome and very mature of us. The problem - besides my being very young - was that I saw Wyatt more as a mission field who happened to come in cute boy form than an actual "boyfriend." You see, he wasn't a Christian. In fact, he'd never even heard the story of the birth of Christ when I met him. I'd never met anyone who hadn't been at least raised in the church. I felt like I had a duty to God and to him to convert him.

Actually, it was more self-serving than that. My grandmother reminded me at one point that I shouldn't be "unequally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14). But I really liked Wyatt. I figured if I got him to become a Christian then we could go on "dating" and everything would be fine. I would like to remind you at this point that I was eleven. Anyway, it ended badly. I broke things off, and, because he was an earnest and mature twelve-year-old kid, he was absolutely heartbroken. That, my friends, is pretty much the extent of my experience in the world of dating.

There is an epilogue to that story, but I'm not going to get into it here. Just know that it ended happily and hearts were mended many years later. What I do want to talk about is what my relationship with Wyatt taught me about the way I handle things now. So let's get back to the issue of "crushes." I bring this up because it's something I'm dealing with right now. There's a guy, and he's fantastic. He's a "good person," and he just might be interested in me. Not having had much experience in the world of dating, however, I really don't know. He may find me utterly repulsive. I'm not great at reading these things. But I digress.

I like him. When I first came to this realization several weeks ago, I panicked. You see, I relate perfectly well to guys if I don't have feelings for them. When I do, however, all of my social deftness decides to run away. As quickly as possible. I become either defensive and sarcastically mean or girlish and princess-y. Neither of these is part of my personality normally, so I usually end up regretting everything I say and do when I'm around guys for whom I have feelings. It's happening right now, in spite of all my attempts to suppress it. That's not the big issue, though.

The real problem here is that he isn't a Christian. I could come up with a million reasons not to get involved with a guy right now, including the fact that I'm graduating and moving in two months and that I don't know if it would even be appropriate for me to pursue a romantic relationship. Singleness has been going pretty well, particularly in how I relate to God. I don't know if He would give me the go-ahead on a relationship right now no matter what the other circumstances were. I haven't really been thinking about those other things, though. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what I feel for him or he might feel for me, I absolutely cannot pursue a relationship with him because he doesn't love Jesus.

The modern, wordly part of me keeps saying, "It's fine! He's a good guy! And it's not like you're going to marry him! You're young! Maybe casually dating would help to cure you of your weird social awkwardness around guys you like!" This kind of rationalization presents all sorts of problems, though. First of all, I believe that dating is a precursor to marriage and that it cannot exist on its own. God has not laid down rules for "dating" in the modern sense. He laid down rules for marriage. Thus, casually dating is not appealing to me on the whole, and I'm not sure that it's even obedient to God to do it. Second, I don't feel like being "young" is a justification for any of my actions. Third, I'm an emotionally serious person. I really don't think I could date someone without giving part of my heart away. Some people can, and that's wonderful. I just can't. I get far too invested in my relationships with people to look at romance flippantly.

More than anything, though, I know that God commands us to do and not to do certain things for very specific reasons. In this particular instance, dating a non-Christian would be damaging to my relationship and my partner's relationship with God. I would be missing out on the godly part of romance, which, for Christians, should be most of it. My significant other would be getting less from me than he would expect because I would continue to give most of myself to God (ideally). If the relationship evolved into something serious, I would have to break things off for religious reasons. That could lead only to heartbreak and, most likely, a really negative attitude toward God on the guy's part. It would basically boil down to me using someone.

So, after going over all of this and understanding how much is at stake, I've realized that it just can't happen. I've been asking God to guard my heart and to help me to treat my romantic interest in a friendly, not flirtatious, manner. It seems like it should be so easy, and yet...it isn't.