Tired

Some days, I just get tired of it all. I get tired of my inconstancy in the face of God's never-changing, never-ending love and forgiveness. I get tired of the world. I get tired of the dirty jokes that my friends toss around like candy. I get tired of hateful evangelism. Tired of fighting Satan all the time. My exhaustion does not confine itself to the spiritual or the mental. My heart feels weary, but so does my body. All I really want is to lie in bed and pray that God will help me to throw off all of the negative things I'm feeling.

I want to delight in God's creation; usually, I do. I walk outside in the morning and smile because it's sunny, because Jesus is risen, because I am alive. Yet, sometimes, it's not that easy. On days like today, when it's beautiful outside and my mood remains dour, I am merely exhausted.

The only thing to be done, I guess, is to try to smile. I have to work to move beyond myself and to love everyone around me. It sounds easy. But sometimes, it's not. That is the challenge. When I can quit pitying myself and start moving toward other people, then I am living in the world (although weary of it) but not of it. That is the beauty of Jesus. That's how the light gets in.